We Must Bribe the Rich to Buy Electric Pickup Trucks. Definitely.
Article by Bertie Bertram
EDVILLE—Well, you can just imagine what’s been happening at our editorial meetings this week, what with Dick and Buster grousing full-time about this new electric F-150. So I felt I had to step into the breach—you know, to appeal to the handful of sensible rural folk like me who think it’s a great idea to bribe the rich with public subsidies to buy e-trucks.
How else are we going to save the planet?
Okay, so I have to admit right up front that Ford has not made my job all that easy. They’ve released a laundry list of specs on their new 2022 Lightning model, and some of them are going to strike conventional F-150 drivers—let’s just call them Dicks—as riotously funny.
For instance—here I’m quoting Ford’s website—the vehicle “offers two options: a standard-range battery targeting 230 miles of EPA-estimated range and an extended-range battery targeting 300 miles of EPA-estimated range.”
So how far will a single charge get you? Well, lucky for you, I’ve mapped this all out. If you leave Edville in a fully-charged standard-range e-150, you can make it to Wiarton on one charge—but only in summer, and only when the battery is brand new, and only if you don’t detour over to St. Jacobs for some pigs’ ears and maple syrup.
So what you really want is the extended-range (300-mile) battery. But here the catch is that you also need Ford’s 80-amp charging station. Once you’re all set up, though, the “F-150 Lightning adds an average range of 30 miles per charging hour, fully charging an extended-range truck from 15% to 100% percent in about eight hours.”
Eight hours. Not bad!
Now over at the CBC, where they’re every bit as concerned about saving the planet as me, they’re already beating up on Doug Ford for not subsidizing the Lightning with taxpayers’ money. The province used to hand $14,000 to Ontarians who bought EVs, but Premier Ford killed the program. And what do you know? Turns out this money mostly went to the rich, and when the subsidies stopped, so did EV sales.
So this F-150 subsidy business is going to boil down to cost—and fairness.
Ford (the company, not the premier) says the bare-bones Lightning will list at $58,000. But according to CBC insiders, the “fully loaded versions with a larger battery pack and more bells and whistles are expected to exceed six-figures.”
So the question is, what are the odds that Ford (the premier, not the company) will agree to subsidize the purchase of cars worth more than $100,000? Not great, I’m afraid.
But let’s hope for the best!
Let’s hope that the premier is so besieged by EV boosters from the auto sector, the unions, the CBC, and the environmental lobby that he just throws in the towel and resumes sending cheques out to the rich to buy electric pickups.
Because if he does, he’ll save the planet and he’ll never get re-elected
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